It's been a hectic past few days. Yesterday I went to the All Time Low music video shoot with Lacey which was interesting. Alex is the biggest dooshbag ever and I basically want to marry Jack :] We had a lovely time in the city for the past 2 days. It was pretty cool just walking down the streets of the city with a friend like her, good times indeed.
This next week is going to change everything. It's keeping me awake and when I finally sleep its the only thing I dream about. I want a repeat of the last time in the sense that it was the only time I've ever felt so great but at the same time I don't want to have to go through that pain again; I don't know if my heart could take it again. It definitly brings tears to my eyes as I think about it, and it scares the shit out of me. I want nothing more than this, but i'm oh so scared of it.
I stood up for myself for the first time ever today. I refuse to give my loyalty and my insecurities to someone who throws them aside for their own self absorbed needs. Since I was 15 I did anything and everything I could but everything I had was taken from me in a day. I'm surrounding myself with people who want to be here. I'm not wasting my precious time with a backstabber who's only here when the worlds biggest mistake isn't in town.
Keep your excuses for someone who wants to hear it. Spend everyday alone with those precious memories as you watch the minutes move to hours and finally into days that go by with no word from me and honestly i hope your happy with what you've done. I can't take back what you've done to me and you're right: you've let me down too many times, so why on earth would i take this lying down again? walking away from you is the best decision i've ever made, especially since you can finally see the knife you left in my back when you chose my worst nightmare to be your dream come true. I won't look back on this decision for a single second. Now, it's all about the future and theres no place for you there.
and honestly i have been begging for answers
that you and only you can give to me.
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