BIG NEWS
I'm moving on with my life. OFFICIALLY. It really hit me today while sitting with everyone talking about all sorts of different things. What am I doing? I think I've tried to write this off about seven times but I'm putting my foot down this time. I talk myself out of situations and people like I'm saving myself for someone who's 400 miles away and probably didn't even think of me today. Four years and four hundred miles is a waste of my time. This summer I compltely wasted it away with excuse after excuse for someone who doesn't deserve a second of my time.
It's not like I've got options or anything conceited like that it's just I've finally realized- why spend my time thinking, worrying, missing someone who refuses to be around? I had my chance three years ago and I let it go. That's on my shoulders forever and I can live with that.
And another thing that really just has me furious.... I'm like some sort of pathetic play toy. I'm used and abused as if that sort of behavior is all we're in this for and I can't do that when it means so much more to me. I'm pressured. Extremely pressured to give myself up. I feel like I should be treated with respect and shown some sort of affection if I'm gonna be sitting here waiting. I can't be a part of that scene if the feelings aren't there. Call me old fashion or call me crazy but either way it's not for me.
I'm so tired of trying to seem important. I'm beyond tired trying to be a part of someone's life. If I'm going to give someone my time and affection it's gotta be because they want it and show me some sort of ... well something. I'm hoping this is easier than I think it will be in letting go, but being that I have no more fight left in me to keep this going... I really just think it's a matter of time.
I'm so tired of trying to seem important. I'm beyond tired trying to be a part of someone's life. If I'm going to give someone my time and affection it's gotta be because they want it and show me some sort of ... well something. I'm hoping this is easier than I think it will be in letting go, but being that I have no more fight left in me to keep this going... I really just think it's a matter of time.
I want to move on. I want to let go. I want to start over. I want to go through those awkward adorable moments that I typically avoid by talking myself out of. I want to start.
I'm sorry that I'm leaving. I don't think you'll miss me today.
You'll miss me someday but it won't be today.
Last summer was the most amazing summer, ever.
I just can't live my life waiting around for you anymore.
You're not the same person I gave my heart to four years ago,
but I guess that's a part of me I'll never get entirely back.
Last summer was the most amazing summer, ever.
I just can't live my life waiting around for you anymore.
You're not the same person I gave my heart to four years ago,
but I guess that's a part of me I'll never get entirely back.
You and I both know you what this was. I'm sorry for everything it wasn't but now? It's all about me this time. Just because you're headed for great things doesn't mean they aren't in store for me too. I'm going to go after them.
"Don't forget how well I know you
I'll take take- I'll take you down".
I'll take take- I'll take you down".
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