Disconnect

I've totally forgotten this thing existed till about twenty minutes ago. I was so good at updating this too! The thing is, I haven't been doing anything since that last time I posted on here so there really isn't an excuse for me. I've been working a whole hell of a lot but to be honest I actually really like my job at Victoria's Secret. I don't mind going to work. Who'da thunk? Oh and I wonder who's caught on to the title of every blog I write is a song... lol.


School starts this weeeeeeeeeeeek. blah. I'm eager to get back into school. It'll keep my mind off everything. At this point everything is just losing fuel. I've kind of given up on people and things and thats just not like me. I guess my hope never really existed in the first place then? I dont know. It probably did I'm just being dramatic.


I can't seem to figure out why its so easy for me to give up all hope right now. I have no idea why I'm so eager to say fuck it and move on. I've exhausted my resources and it's a sort of hopeless feeling that I hate to possess. I mean here's my point: why act like I give a fuck when no one else does. If you're not gonna believe in me why the hell should I believe in you. If you're not gonna care about me then why am I wasting my time worrying about you. Reality is harsh. Honestly = Brutality. Attention has no measurement. Affection should be legitamate.

Would it ever change my mind?


Ant I'm glad you're here.


This time everything is gonna be alright
the dangerous summer.

I Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You

I hate parking tickets. Why? I got my first one in Hoboken the other night = terrible feeling. I've probably listened to i dont think i'll ever get over you seventy three times today; it's a guestamate. Taking care of every single pet in this house, cleaning, cooking, etc, makes me really hate the idea of being my mom, lol. I've got two thirties and a handle in my fridge right now and another thirty on the way. Can we say fucked up? Yeah, I really don't have a fucking clue as to what I'm doing.

I haven't had a good nights sleep in about three weeks. I wake up every morning with the strangest aches and I always wake up at 8:10. Creepiest shit of my life. I've started playing piano again, looking up sheet music through Google is fantastic. It's kind of fun to sing and play along. I've started reading a bunch of my mom's books too. I haven't found one I'm really into yet. Tomorrow I plan on spending the day alone until I have to go shoot some scene in this kids movie at CCM... ballin, really. I'm kind of losing faith in a lot of people.

For example witnessing what I witnessed tonight was kind of like a wake up call. People are crazy. I don't think I'll get past everything like that. HECTIC to say the leasttttt.


bahhhhh 3:30am wtffffff why am I awakeeee
yeah I thought I'd have something clever to say...



but I don't. night