The Time I Gave Charleston My All

So within at least a week I've been able to turn the world upside down. I thought I was pretty good at keeping my cool with everything but I let my emotions get the best of me and whats worse is I could see the mess I was making and yet I did nothing to stop it. I don't think I've ever actually made a mistake like this before, but I don't even want to call it a mistake. I think thats whats worst.

It's really got me thinking today. I was so confident in what I wanted and at the first sign of a loss I gave up and lost myself. I've never got the shakes and nerves like that. Never once thought I could be so scared like that. Oh the heart is a fragile thing. I lied something awful. I can't take it back but at the same time I don't want to. I was selfish and I don't think I should apologize for going after what I want.

I should just apologize for the fact that I was reckless and jealous and pessimistic and vulnerable and just plain neglectful. I took steps blindly into something- well I don't really know what it was but it was powerful enough to knock me off my chair and reasses myself. Hey reality check. One thing I don't think I'll ever be able to understand is why was he able to make me forget, even for a moment.

Tomorrow my sister gets her make over and I'm really excited for her. She deserves to feel good about herself. I just hope now that she's ready to actually go out there and do things she'll be a little smarter because of all the mistakes I've made. She'll be getting all dolled up as I try to make sure I can make a good impression. I have to make sure my nerves don't get the best of me tomorrow at this Christmas thing with the fire department. No pressure Courtney Lynn, no pressure! BAHHHHH

I get to see my sister grow up tomorrow, my mom be paranoid tomorrow, see my best friends tomorrow, and have a fun night :) mmmmmmmmmmmmm Christmas please be kind.