Saturday, February 7, 2009

I dont have a clever song title for once.

I'm just feeling so bad lately.

Dave's funeral today was brutal. Really hard to see Jenn like that.

I really wanna see the bub but he's been all over t he place for the past 4 days and I havent seen him. With Stefan's bullshit last night I'd like nothing more than to actually see my boyfriend.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Life's Short and You Were Too Young.

rest in peace, dave.
i really just can't believe you're gone.
we miss you already.


Monday, February 2, 2009

Listen up, Kevin.

... I'm calling you out.



You live in a crazy world. You're never okay. There's alway something that's going wrong but the weird thing is that it's rarely you're fault. You're an upbeat kid when you're with your friends but I know that when you're alone all you can think about is the FACT that you're alone.

I thought I was one of the few to understand what's going on in that head of yours and for a while there I think I did pretty well. You always looked for what was best for me. You never told me what I wanted to hear- just what I needed to hear.

I never got to see you as much as I wanted to. You can hold it against me as much as you want- I don't care. Whatever my reasoning was for each time we planned was never a lie. I never lied to you. Being down the street from you that night I really wish I could have spent time with you. Circumstances werent in my favor and I dont know how many times I apologized-not that any of them seemed to matter.

When you get off that high horse of yours you'll see that just because you feel like you were wronged, doesn't mean you're not wrong at all. You're all one huh? No one there to help you out more so than a pat on the back and a "It'll all be okay, soon".... Hm. You weren't even a back up in my life- you're right. You were my life line. I went to you with everything because I trusted you but hey! Life is all about the lessons you learned and I guess that's one I found out the hard way.

Keep your "oohs" and "ahhs" to yourself. Don't act suprised. I don't miss you. Your childish insecurities are holding you down from having all the things you want. I've grown since you. I've learned how to be a stronger more independent person. I keep this cute little pink book with all my rantings that use to go to you this way in a form of lyrical therapy. I'm over it Kev.

You want happiness stop letting it get away from you. It wasn't with me. You want a friend then start being one to yourself. You have no idea whats going on in that head of yours so how do you expect anyone else to? You're tired of being alone? Love yourself so someone else can. You're all closed up as open and willing as you may think you are- you're not ready. I don't have much else to say other than lifes not fair. Don't expect any favors and who know's.. You may be suprised with what comes at you.


"There was a time when I came to your side
It was 3am and you were begging me to die
Another year was all it took for you to forget the best friend
that always carried you
So are you still saying im not when I already am
And why are you still saying we wont when we already are
Ain’t it a shame to be so young and insane?
Ain’t it a shame to be so young and insane?"

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I Must Be Dreaming

I've been the happiest I've ever been in, well... we'll just say a long time. Tonight I went to Carly's to just hang out and be girls and do whatever.... I thought I'd check out someones facebook on her account... (yes facebook is the end of all) and much to my suprise.. he remembers me? HA!

a dear friend says "i almost wrote on courtney's wall... just fer laughs"
......................


and if that weren't enough
when looked into what that fuck said back...........
"Maybe I should post some letter on her wall about how I've been deep undercover/in a coma for the past 4 months and now ive made it out. Yeah, start posting things on my wall about how you're happy i finally made it out of my barbiturate induced coma. We'll trick her."


ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! seriously. HOW OLD ARE WE? And how do we think my name came back into the picture??


OH hmm.. "OH WAIT i'm in new jersey... Courtney is from new jersey... how is that girl" - creep facebook- fuck she's got a boyfriend?! lets make up some good reason as to why i've been gone for 4 months. CHECK YOURSELF, asshole.






Fuck yourself.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2008

I'm so happy its over.
It's been a really long year.



Overall, my friends have been fantastic even if I've done nothing but complain about the ones I lost and so on.



For 2009- No Stefan. It's gonna be great




Ringing it in tonight with bub :)
it's a good start to 2009 and i wouldn't miss it for the world

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Better

Well, the new year is approaching...
And I'm the happiest I've been in a long time.