2008

I'm so happy its over.
It's been a really long year.



Overall, my friends have been fantastic even if I've done nothing but complain about the ones I lost and so on.



For 2009- No Stefan. It's gonna be great




Ringing it in tonight with bub :)
it's a good start to 2009 and i wouldn't miss it for the world

Better

Well, the new year is approaching...
And I'm the happiest I've been in a long time.

The Time I Gave Charleston My All

So within at least a week I've been able to turn the world upside down. I thought I was pretty good at keeping my cool with everything but I let my emotions get the best of me and whats worse is I could see the mess I was making and yet I did nothing to stop it. I don't think I've ever actually made a mistake like this before, but I don't even want to call it a mistake. I think thats whats worst.

It's really got me thinking today. I was so confident in what I wanted and at the first sign of a loss I gave up and lost myself. I've never got the shakes and nerves like that. Never once thought I could be so scared like that. Oh the heart is a fragile thing. I lied something awful. I can't take it back but at the same time I don't want to. I was selfish and I don't think I should apologize for going after what I want.

I should just apologize for the fact that I was reckless and jealous and pessimistic and vulnerable and just plain neglectful. I took steps blindly into something- well I don't really know what it was but it was powerful enough to knock me off my chair and reasses myself. Hey reality check. One thing I don't think I'll ever be able to understand is why was he able to make me forget, even for a moment.

Tomorrow my sister gets her make over and I'm really excited for her. She deserves to feel good about herself. I just hope now that she's ready to actually go out there and do things she'll be a little smarter because of all the mistakes I've made. She'll be getting all dolled up as I try to make sure I can make a good impression. I have to make sure my nerves don't get the best of me tomorrow at this Christmas thing with the fire department. No pressure Courtney Lynn, no pressure! BAHHHHH

I get to see my sister grow up tomorrow, my mom be paranoid tomorrow, see my best friends tomorrow, and have a fun night :) mmmmmmmmmmmmm Christmas please be kind.

Fearless

Late night drives to Princeton, laying on cartops to watch the stars, OD'ing on coffee... yeah. I could get use to this

Tell Me

I'm really happy with the way things have been turning out. School's getting a little harder being that the semester is soon ending but that's okay. Friends are fantastic. I got to see Lizzy Carly Meg and Coley :) I've missed them so much. It was cool to just hang out and talk about everything we've been up to since the last time we were all together and the funny thing about that is no matter how far apart we phsyically are, it hasn't stopped us from being closer than we've ever been.

On the subject of friends... Well certain best friends are interesting. Who'da thunk that person that fucked up my live ridiculously would actually turn into someone I call when I need advice or need to vent. And to add on to that- who'da thunk he'd call me to calm him down and put his mind at ease?! Pretty much no one but it kinda fills the space where ant use to be... WEIRD weird weird without that shit.

Works a little drama-filled but it keeps it interesting I suppose.

Concerning other matters.... I like driving around doing absolutely nothingggg with a cute boy.


Hey december :)

Save

So it's been a while since I've logged in and used this thing. I've been extremely busy between friends birthdays and school and other things... But I have to say I'm really happy with the way my life is progressing! Here's some updates :)

Kevin- You weren't replaced but I'm definitely glad you're back :) even if you're a d-bag :p
School's crackin down the end now which is really exciting. One more semester here and who knows where I'll be next time the leaves change. It's as exciting as it is nerve-racking but I'm all about doing things different now. That's a change I never thought I'd accept.

I'm happy with taking things as they come. I'm tired of worrying about things being some sort of official label or societal constrate to say hey, this is the way things are. "Go with the flow" is so much easier. Why should i worry about something that hasn't even happend yet- or even something that may not happen? Enjoy it while I've got it and be happy I had it- right?

Can't let yourself down this way- but can definitely enjoy it.




I'm in the library- i probably should do something productive

Don't Forget

I haven't written on here since my birthday! I had a fantastic birthday. Crazy times at Drew with some of the most amazing girls ever. I'm feelin the pressure of school right about now though. Registered classes for next semester... started transfer applications, etc. Really fun times. I've finally start to get things straight and then my brain goes crazy.

LIKE RIGHT NOW

I've got two missed calls and two texts left unanswered and that's not about to change. For someone who thinks he's the most honest person in the world, let me do some sharing. You're wasting your time by calling me tonight. Guess it feels pretty shitty to be the one who looks like a fool now DOESNT IT.

Besides that, thought I was gonna patch things up with a friend BUT when that promise of a phonecall fell through... I realized I'm not about to hold my breathe.

Lastely, to my former best friend... Never thought I'd have to give up on you.




BUT ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE
i love getting dressed up for school :)